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The groom then returns to the wedding and the wedding continues. He promises his daughter to him and that she will aid him through the ups and downs of life.
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He then tells the groom the benefits of married life versus ascetic life.
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As he commences this mock pilgrimage, the bride's father stops him and pleads with them. He carries an umbrella, a walking stick and a towel containing lentils (dal) and rice. According to the ritual, the groom gets up from the wedding and refuses to marry the bride, saying he wants to give up worldly pleasures and complete his religious studies. And yet, it is an inseparable part of Tamil weddings. If not the tradition itself, even the steps associated with the ritual are chauvinist.Ī popular tradition in South India, Kashi Yatra is today treated as more of a fun event.
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If the father is absent, another male relative has the honour. No ritual on Earth can ever break that bond.Īnother problem with Kanyadaan is that it is only the father who is allowed to give away the daughter. She has lived in the womb of a woman for 9 months. Just because the daughter marries off, it does not mean she now has no ties with her family. Some traditions are better left buried with time and the tradition of Kanyadaan is one such. While it might have been sensible in ancient times, the treatment of women as property is incorrect in every way. Also, it is always a ' kanya' daan and not a ' stree' daan which implied that only virgins were allowed to have the honour of absolving the sins of their parents. After the ritual, the "duty" of the daughter is passed on from the parents to the groom and she is now his liability. To salvage the situation, Hindu priests then created the concept of Kanyadaan wherein they said that giving the daughter away was one of the highest honours as it too absolves the parents of sin. The patriarchal Hindu society began to thus revere boys and condemn daughters. One of the most popular ones is that the scriptures stipulated that the eldest son or the 'son' of the family was supposed to light the funeral pyre of his parents to absolve them of sins and pass on happily into the afterlife. It is an age-old tradition and there are many reasons as to why it was brought into existence. While if taken literally, it means giving the daughter away, according to old Hindu traditions, it means the "gift of virginity" or "gifting a maiden". The very name Kanyadaan is made up of 2 words: Kanya and Daan. KanyadaanĪ tradition in all Indian weddings without which the wedding is incomplete. Keeping up with the times, shouldn't some Indian wedding traditions be done away with already? Some of these sexist traditions are not just unfair, but downright insulting. But then, while some of these traditions are beautiful and meaningful, some of the others are dated. Indian weddings are a beautiful, soulful yet tedious affair, filled with ancient traditions and rituals which claim to bond the husband and wife for the next 7 lives. Extremely sorry for the inconvenience caused I would also like to add that the views expressed in the article are the writer's views and the images used are for representational purposes only. The image has since then been replaced and I would like to assure her that such an error will not occur henceforth. Aditi Ramachandran for unsolicited use of her wedding image in point number 10 of the article. We've since then replaced the image and would like to apologise to Ms Ramachandran for any distress the image might have caused her and her family. EDITOR'S NOTE: In the article below an image by Ms Aditi Ramachandran was mistakenly used to illustrate a point.